A spanking connection (literally!) between a human and a non-human species — a book to read when you’re definitely alone! #erotica #spanking #otk #nsfw #LPRTG #SSRTG #EARTG

Jelvia: Not Human Holding out for a Hero book #1 Jelvias have lived alongside humans since time began—or that’s what mankind once thought. Now they are waking up to the invisible technology that had fogged their brains. Beasts. Devil spawn. …

Check out this #fantasy #romance novel by @dennaholm

Soul of a Warrior by Denna Holm A handsome blond stranger shows up at Kimi Wicker’s place of work claiming to be her mate. But he also claims to be from another world. She does what any sane woman would …

A journey of discovery – Seven Beyond by @SAtrium #alienrace #scifi

Seven Beyond

by

Stella Atrium

Dr. David Christopher Meenins is a man in search of his past.

Accompanying him on his journey of discovery are the powerful Lady Drasher Elizabeth Tasgneganz, the pedantic Dr. Virgil Augustus Grammario, the mysterious-and possibly alien-Linda Deemer.

Dr. Meenins is haunted by memories of alien places and of a race called the Longists. Together, the group travel to the one place in the world the Longists might reappear: a remote abbey inhabited by an order of nuns known for their wisdom, mystical insight and quality brandy.

Amazon

Throughout the journey, the specter of David Shanklen looms. Shanklen claimed that he was kept prisoner in an alien zoo maintained by the Longists. Through Shanklen, Dr. Meenins must find the new resting place of the dead.

Meenins’ journey is more like a pilgrimage than a quest. The travelers exchange stories along the way à la The Canterbury Tales, and the discovery of the resting place grows out of their long friendships.

Stella Atrium is author of three fantasy books of the Dolvia saga: SufferStone, HeartStone, StrikeStone.

“Many fantasy stories today are set in Medieval times with castles and horses and magic and princesses needing rescue. Nobody asks, ‘How did these humanoids get here?’ or ‘Why are there so many races of people?’ 

So I wrote a fantasy series with several races (no elves or dwarfs or vampires), except I placed events in today’s world with helicopters instead of horses, and peace-keeping soldiers instead of warriors, and the internet instead of ravens.

Events take place on another planet discovered by a mining interest from Earth led by the Chinese. Other adventurers are from America, France and Australia. They work for a consortium of inhabited planets where people have government, repression, murder for hire, and all the ills of competition in the marketplace.

If you’re tired of castle stories with endless battlefield scenes, try a planet story that reflects our world and the struggles of women living under the burka. Actions that become legend, leading by example, taking the difficult route – all these may be inspirational to young women today who are allowed few privileges at home or at school.” — Stella Atrium

Amazon Profile | Twitter | Website  | Seven Beyond

Amazon have selected The Destiny Factor by D. J. Jouett for nomination…

Support an author and nominate! Untouched by the world’s most ruthless people–the rich. Renny James rises from the slums to encounter the lifestyle of the wealthy. Has she made a mistake?   Click to nominate You will be taken to …

When rehabilition is required for the ‘victims’ of #BDSM by @Lance_Lly

The Home of Wayward Girls: Beginnings Book One of a BDSM tale of love, sex and power by Lance Llyn Lance Lyn isn’t just your average stuffy businessman, he’s a billionaire corporate investor who finds investments in alternative sources of …

Probably one for the lads (sorry no naked boobies).

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Mobsters, Monsters and Nazis

by

Dan O’Brien

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Here’s a one-of-a-kind reading experience for the guys that have refused to grow up! Dan O’Brien has teamed up with illustrator Steve Ferchaud to blend hard boiled, dark, detective stories with pulp comics.

Sounds perfect for those cold approaching winter nights, eh, fellas?

Mobsters,
Monsters and Nazis follows private investigator Derrick Diamond as
he searches for a device that the Nazis need
for their nefarious experiments. He’s aided by Ava Harpy, a lounge singer at
the Yellow Monarch, and as they dive deep into the underbelly of the city,
they uncover a sordid plot that is much larger than they could have
possibly imagined.

So without further ado let’s introduce Dan O’Brien’s latest project: Mobsters, Monsters and Nazis: a collaboration between Dan
O’Brien and Steve Ferchaud, who illustrated Conspirators of the Lost Sock Army and the Loose Change Collection Agency. 

What Dan is
revealing today are the sketches for some of the interior illustrations (which
will be black and white) of the first issue of Mobsters,
Monsters and Nazis. The books will be released as six issues
(eBooks) starting on Halloween.

Influenced by film noir, pulp comics, and
an abiding love of Lovecraft, it is now available for pre-order so what are you waiting for?

Dan would love to hear what you think of it so far. Visit him at the Dan O’Brien Project or find him on Twitter.

Mobsters, Monsters and Nazis

 

Your right to reply…

@AuthorBorg describes her perfect death

Inge. H. Borg

in her

The Boring Author Revisited!

 

Amazon ~ Smashwords ~ Barnes and Noble

What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring
details, a couple of lines is suffice!)

Khamsin, The Devil Wind
of the Nile (Book 1 – Legends of the Winged Scarab), plays out in 3080 BC (yes,
that’s slightly before almost everything). Hence, nobody can call me out on the
facts – if they do, they must be really ancient 
or very learned—in which case they wouldn’t read fiction anyway!
A girl who thinks like me! When can we hang out?

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?

Not necessarily. It
sells, doesn’t it. Very frustrating to those of us who cower alone in our
garret to hammer out “enduring literature,” starving while we do it.

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?

Because I seem to be one
of the few people left in America who observes the difference between “to lay”
(an egg), and “to lie” (in bed). Everyone is always “laying” about; even
mattress sales people.

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

Because I just slipped
you a free copy – and because you might learn something. Oh, and because you’ll
give me a rave, I mean honest, review!
Yeah, right…


Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you? Do you think you write better than them? Is your aim to out-sell them?

James Clavell and James
Mitchener are two of my favorites– they may be regarded as old-fashioned these
days; but then…(you are not rudely going to ask my age now!)

However, somebody just
said that Book 3 (Cataclysm) is “like Dirk Pitt novel, only better.”
Are you old? I mean really, really old like 40 something? (as my son would’ve said!)

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea? 
Wow, any one of that would be lower than writing Erotica.

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?

A darn good European
education, and an even greater patience to Google facts and the imagination to weave
them into fiction.  Why don’t you check
it out for yourself.
Are you saying I don’t use Google for fact-finding? I’m the OO in Google, Missus!

Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

Even in “good Historical
Fiction,” the action has to outweigh the setting no matter how exotic (a love
triangle, some palace intrigue and the occasional murder always tend to liven
things up).

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?

No. But I do start each
of my “Legends of the Winged Scarab” with a short evocative (and generally unjustly
maligned) Prologue to set the stage. If you can’t hear the winds (Khamsin and
Sirocco) howl about your ears, and taste the sand between your teeth at that
point, I failed you.

What part of the world do you come from?

Born and educated in
Austria, studied languages in London, Paris and Moscow before winding up in the
southern US (that took care of my former beautiful British accent).

What do you think of your government?

The same as I think of
any government. I’d rather not expound on this here. After all, I do purport to
be a lady.

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?

“… fanny means lady
front parts…”

You’re kidding! I didn’t
know that. But then, it took me a year to guess what OMG might mean; I surely
hope I guessed correctly because I have used it a couple of times.
OMG – oh my God? Original Mafia Gangsta?

Why that shitty title?

Are you talking about MY
Khamsin,
The Devil Wind of the Nile? The one who was just short-listed for the
2014 Indie Historical Fiction Award of the Historical Novel Society to be doled
out in London in September? I am crushed. Just wait ‘til I turn the Curse of
the Mummy on you and suffocate you with a mouthful of desert sand.

Did you run out of ideas?

You mean, as far as a
title is concerned? Not for the first two ‘windy” books; for Book 3, however, I
had to blow up a Supervolcano. Now, I am out of ideas.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).

“I am working on it.”

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?

There you go again,
trying to figure out how old I might be. Let me just say, when I started, my
computer didn’t have a hard drive but I used large floppies for the program itself
as well as the documents (yes, those big black things now on display at the
HP/Compaq Museum).

When I began I had an Olivetti typewriter! The floppies came later for me. I still have them, in fact. Can’t bear to throw them away.

If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?

Try 20 years of writing,
querying, gathering dust in a drawer. Happy now?
Wow, you’re OLD!

If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?

It was! But I slashed 100,000 words
(gosh, the money I could have made turning those lost words into …something).

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

I am not sure if it’s a
stupid ritual or even a bad one. But daily turning on the computer usually
precedes furious keyboard-pounding.

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?

Call it what you will,
but extroverts who “talk, talk, talk” usually don’t have time (nor the patience
or intellect) to write it all down.
Love that answer!

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information.
4. All of the above.

Number four in small
doses. On the whole, it’s a bloody time-suck with everyone mostly crowing about
themselves.

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?

Not unless they
are “laying on the couch,” ignoring the past participle. “Oh, my,” some might
gush, “I should have went there. Then I could have did this…” That’s
when I become the ear-holding outsider. On the whole though, my friends see me
as exasperatingly normal.

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

Ah, now your reveal your
true colors!Please, I’d like not to
be found naked; or on top or under something (or someone) scandalous.

Just give me a glass of
wine, dribble the content of a few pills into it, and wait (you can sing or hum
if you want). Luckily, you won’t have to look for my teeth because I still have
all of mine. Just run a brush through my hair and pull my lips into a smile as
I slip deeper into oblivion. You can do that much for me, can’t you? After all
I did for you, telling you those secrets.

“Don’t touch that wine!
Didn’t I just tell you about the pills! Some people never listen.” Oh my, too
late. Sorry kiddo, I guess it wasn’t my time after all.

Give me the a) first, b) middle and c) end line in your trilogy.

Book 1 (Khamsin,
the Devil Wind of The Nile)

a)   
“Rih al Khamsin!” It was an eerie howl, rather than a cry. It
multiplied and it traveled fast.

      b)  Maceheads thudded against
human anvils to mingle with the last wails of                  the
mortally wounded, the blasphemies of the defeated.

      c) “Remember,
the end is but a new beginning for the eternal Ba.”

Book 2 (Sirocco,
Storm over Land and Sea)

a)   
“Trexa! Sorokos!” Barely, the fishermen pull their boats onto
shore when the wind arrives all in a rush, malevolent and laden with Libyan
Desert sand.

b)   
“Mayday! Mayday! Can anyone hear me?”

c)   
At last, the tortured planet exhales. Tomorrow has become today.

Book 3 (After
the Cataclysm)

a)   
At first, it feels as if the world needed to relieve itself of an
irksome burden.

b)   
“Fuck the Germans.” Lorenzo glanced at Naunet. “Pardon me, my
dear, I didn’t mean to offend you.

c)   
Not until then shall we both find eternal peace.

If this is all too exasperatingly
long and literary, and boring, you can always grab a free copy of Edward, Con Extraordinaire. But a
word of caution: That scoundrel has wormed his way into Book 2 and 3 somehow
(where he is no longer quite so charming). Oh, he also has a cameo appearance
as a bad memory in “Shadow Love.” Really, I must do something about that guy!


Whaa-at? Time already? Yawns. Oh, you’re still waffling, er, talking. I meant talking.

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Your right to reply…

Robert George Pottorff braves the Boring Author Interview to discuss his many books

Boring Author Interview Revisited

Time Bow | Robert George Pottorffs’ Army of Sol Blizzard: Origin | Blizzard Spread

What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
I speak to your children whom you won’t claim, (But know are yours) and I teach them how to react to the world around you in a cool manner.
I’ve four brats delightful children and however many times I try and tell them it’s time they got jobs and moved out they just giggle and say, Mummy, we’re only little. Sheesh.

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
Erotica fills a need for people who never get any erotica in their own lives, and has an historic place in human history right alongside the caveman’ club.

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?  
Most people today don’t read beyond close captions. So long as it looks right, it will scroll off the screen before they notice any errors.
Oh wow, I don’t think so. Hope not anyway! That’s saying most people are illiterate.

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?  
Unlike some publishers; I do not follow the hundred-year rule, and leave outdated behaviors in my tales, many behaviors are timeless, and I choose which I keep..

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?

I am who I aspire to be. 
Good answer!

Do you think you write better than them?
Story telling has come a long way from scratching out tales with chicken feathers dabbing in a smug pot. It isn’t a matter of ‘be better’, it is a matter of ‘be relevant’. Writers of every era address issues of their surroundings, and so do I.

Is your aim to out-sell them?
Wouldn’t that be nice? Many past writers never received pay more than cents per word, nor sold outside their own areas.

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea?
No. Some ideals are not possessions of those who claim them; they are as timeless as man himself is. 
 
What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?
My qualification is I don’t normally get caught telling lies, and those few times I have; they simply threw up their hand with no way to refute my assertions, and walk away. I love my writings, and have fun creating these stories. Enjoyment is the standard of entertainment.

Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?
Common knowledge isn’t always common; twisted truths woven in the text often mislead the reader to believe larger lies in the stories in spite of knowing from experiences.
You sound like a very deep person. Can you hear me from down there? Helllooooo…

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?
No, however, you would have to read it to arrive to a decision concerning if you like it or not.
Well, doh!

What part of the world do you come from?
The United States of PANAM. 

What do you think of your government?
I didn’t vote for it, but I watch the games every year to cheer for my district. 

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?
Yes you would as English; is explained in every dictionary on the subject.
But it’s harder to find a dictionary for every country’s jargon. I know it’s refreshing to read something different and be educated but sometimes it’s tiring having to put the book down, find a computer (or dictionary) to read up a word. Or is that me being lazy?

Why that shitty title?
It fits in the story in some way, and there is a place inside to wipe your eyes.

Did you run out of ideas?
No, when that happens I wait for your behavior to show me the answer.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).
Did you enjoy writing the tale?
Yes, if it isn’t fun for the writer, how can it be fun for the reader?

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
Depends on which one you want to know about. Every story is different in the time it takes to create, but generally speaking, statutes of limitations must pass before I release a tale. 

If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?
Stories tell themselves in however long it takes to express the end. 

If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?
No, excessive time isn’t a factor. Prison Weekend Work release is often is the real reason for delays.

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?
I have to like the stories to finish them; as for habits, if you can get away with doing it, they aren’t bad. 
Ooh, I LIKE that! Habits aren’t bad if you can get away with them–yes, perfect.

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?
No, labels like book titles do not completely reflect what is inside, however “loner” is far better than “Drunken @#$#@”. 

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information
4. All of the above.
You should add a fifth selection
5. A place to borrow money to pay my liquor store bill.
I’m beginning to think most writers are raving alcoholics!

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?
No, my stories are about your behaviors, and they are included. 

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?
Pizza and beer overdose
See!

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.
First line is the title, and middle lines are various; however, they finish with; the end.


Thanks Robert, good luck with the books.

Your right to reply…

The workings of the male American mind… they have one. Or so Leif Petersen says…

 Boring Author Interview Revisited

by

Leif Petersen

What’s
so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of
lines is suffice!)

My
book explains the workings of the typical American male’s mind.  That
hasn’t been done quite like this before.  It’s sort of a users’ manual
in novel form. The male mind works?!

Is it a short book? With pictures of lots of barren deserts?

Amazon.com

Does
‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people
such as your family and friends?

First, my family and friends are not normal, everyday people, but
yes, it does, because there is too much sex in it.  Literary sex, to be sure, but I do not think
one’s children split those hairs. Also, my wife would be horrified. And my
parents are still alive.
This is what pen names are for! 

What
do you really think about erotica? Is it
the low of the lows for writers?

It’d be easier to answer “when
do you really think about erotica” (rather continuously).  Well-done erotica is high art, but lousy
erotica is disgusting.

Is
there an author who inspires you? Do
you think you write better than them? Is
your aim to out-sell them?

Yes, John Updike. He was a Harvard boy so of course I write better
erotica than he did but no, I will never out-sell him.  He went to Harvard. I didn’t.
 

In
the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review
(or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied
someone else’s idea?

Hard to say – maybe writing my book?

Don’t say that! It sounds unique in its formula.  

How
long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?

My book, published in 2013, is about cheating in a marriage.  The original idea was for it to be about not
cheating in a marriage.  That was around
1981, maybe.  Some guys move faster than
others.  But it is neither boringly long,
nor laborious to read.
Wow, sounds like a labour of love.

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

1. As far
   as he could tell, he had stopped sleeping with his wife on account of dirty
   dishes in the sink.

2. “Life is complicated, Dr. Wilson – we just
   keep it sorted out.”

3. “I love you,” he said.

Thanks Leif for allowing us a look into your mind. Thing is, it’s a bit lonely and sort of unoccupied in there. Just saying.

Your right to reply…

Never interview a comedy writer and expect serious answers!

Boring Author Interviews Revisited

by 

Craig Zerf

 
What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
It’s shorter than the bible, cheaper than the Mona Lisa and funnier than the plague. 

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
I believe that perversion is simply another art form, albeit stickier than most. Surely no writer can sink lower than copywriting for a multinational?

Amazon.com | Amazon.UK

You’re (so far) the second to say that in these interviews, and it’s not something I’ve thought about until now, but I think you’re right.

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you
think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?

Paid a pro!

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and
you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I
spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

Unlike most books available on
Amazon – mine has been completely re-mastered in full 2D. It contains a cast of
thousands and no expense has been spared. Must have done something right as it
was voted Best Read by BBC Radio 4!

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you? Do you think you write better than them?
Is your aim to out-sell them?
Richard Bach…he wrote Jonathan Livingstone
Seagull back in the 70’s. I mean…it’s like 10 pages long and it sold over 40
million copies. Genius – lazy and wealthy. I’d love to outsell him.

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own
review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line,
copied someone else’s idea?

Pretended that I was R.R.
Martin at a recent book fair. Wasn’t a problem until he actually arrived.
OMG! Bet that was awkward.

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre? Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

I drink whisky well. Very well.
In fact, some would say that I have a gift. This can be seen in most of my
writing…do I see that as showing off? No, probably not.


If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of
acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of
a story?
I put all the acknowledgements at the back
where they should be.

What part of the world do you come from? What do you think of your government?
Originally from South Africa but now I live in England. It is no
secret that the South African government both blows and sucks mightily.

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean,
fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone
knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc
important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?

My books are set both in a mystical middle-earth type
environment as well as current day earth. I make liberal use of Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms/Malopropisms and even solipsisms (although not so much of that last one).

Why that shitty title? Did you run out of ideas?
I built the title first and then I knew that the story would follow.
Your titles are, er, interesting. Plob? Really? I blame the whiskey.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a
person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would
ask? (answer it).
Q: If cloning were possible, how many versions of me would you invite to
your perfect dinner party?

A: Huh?
Two. Then I’d pour a single whiskey, hand you both two loaded guns and leave the room, locking the door on the way out. You’d be sure to shoot one another to get to the whiskey. Perfect.

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)? If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim? If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?
Writing started on my book many, many years before I was even born. Some
might consider this over-researched…others may simply view it as an example of
Divine Providence.
You began in the womb. Now, that’s talent!

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

When opening my first bottle of
the day I always throw away the top. This prevents me from wimping out and
drinking anything less than necessary.
Ingenious!

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?
Mark Twain once said, “Be good and you will
be lonely.”

I am never good – thus, I am
never lonely.

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information.
4. All of the above.
1, 2 and 3…but never 4.
 

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal,
everyday people such as your family and friends?

My family do not know that I am a writer. I tell them that
I play the piano in a ‘House of ill repute.’ As for friends…well, I make up new
ones every day.

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

I am happy with any death…as long as it doesn’t involve a
ferret, a tub of axel grease and four pounds of English cheddar.

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

1. Plob
2. Horgy stood up in front of the gathering. ‘Good people, I
   give you, Munge and Peasants Vegetable Industries.’
3. With a
   stomach that felt full of lead and a heart that flopped in his chest like a
   stranded goldfish, Plob lurched nervously on down to meet with Death.

Craig Zerf, sober? No? Thought not…

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