From the author of UNSPOKEN, @tabelshaw reveals all! #sagas #womensfiction #historical #fiction #mustread #bookrelease

This gallery contains 5 photos.

A heart-warming, dramatic family saga. Unspoken is a tale of secrets, love, betrayal and revenge. Unspoken means something that cannot be uttered aloud. Unspoken is the dark secret a woman must keep, for life. Alice is fast approaching her one-hundredth … Continue reading

A spanking connection (literally!) between a human and a non-human species — a book to read when you’re definitely alone! #erotica #spanking #otk #nsfw #LPRTG #SSRTG #EARTG

Jelvia: Not Human Holding out for a Hero book #1 Jelvias have lived alongside humans since time began—or that’s what mankind once thought. Now they are waking up to the invisible technology that had fogged their brains. Beasts. Devil spawn. … Continue reading

Check out this #fantasy #romance novel by @dennaholm

Soul of a Warrior by Denna Holm A handsome blond stranger shows up at Kimi Wicker’s place of work claiming to be her mate. But he also claims to be from another world. She does what any sane woman would … Continue reading

A journey of discovery – Seven Beyond by @SAtrium #alienrace #scifi

Seven Beyond

by

Dr. David Christopher Meenins is a man in search of his past.

Accompanying him on his journey of discovery are the powerful Lady Drasher Elizabeth Tasgneganz, the pedantic Dr. Virgil Augustus Grammario, the mysterious-and possibly alien-Linda Deemer.

Dr. Meenins is haunted by memories of alien places and of a race called the Longists. Together, the group travel to the one place in the world the Longists might reappear: a remote abbey inhabited by an order of nuns known for their wisdom, mystical insight and quality brandy.

Throughout the journey, the specter of David Shanklen looms. Shanklen claimed that he was kept prisoner in an alien zoo maintained by the Longists. Through Shanklen, Dr. Meenins must find the new resting place of the dead.

Meenins’ journey is more like a pilgrimage than a quest. The travelers exchange stories along the way à la The Canterbury Tales, and the discovery of the resting place grows out of their long friendships.

61RegzgmQ6L._SX150_Stella Atrium is author of three fantasy books of the Dolvia saga: SufferStone, HeartStone, StrikeStone.

“Many fantasy stories today are set in Medieval times with castles and horses and magic and princesses needing rescue. Nobody asks, ‘How did these humanoids get here?’ or ‘Why are there so many races of people?’ 

So I wrote a fantasy series with several races (no elves or dwarfs or vampires), except I placed events in today’s world with helicopters instead of horses, and peace-keeping soldiers instead of warriors, and the internet instead of ravens.

Events take place on another planet discovered by a mining interest from Earth led by the Chinese. Other adventurers are from America, France and Australia. They work for a consortium of inhabited planets where people have government, repression, murder for hire, and all the ills of competition in the marketplace.

If you’re tired of castle stories with endless battlefield scenes, try a planet story that reflects our world and the struggles of women living under the burka. Actions that become legend, leading by example, taking the difficult route – all these may be inspirational to young women today who are allowed few privileges at home or at school.” — Stella Atrium

Amazon Profile | Twitter | Website  | Seven Beyond

Amazon have selected The Destiny Factor by D. J. Jouett for nomination…

Support an author and nominate! Untouched by the world’s most ruthless people–the rich. Renny James rises from the slums to encounter the lifestyle of the wealthy. Has she made a mistake?   Click to nominate You will be taken to … Continue reading

When rehabilition is required for the ‘victims’ of #BDSM by @Lance_Lly

The Home of Wayward Girls: Beginnings Book One of a BDSM tale of love, sex and power by Lance Llyn Lance Lyn isn’t just your average stuffy businessman, he’s a billionaire corporate investor who finds investments in alternative sources of … Continue reading

Probably one for the lads (sorry no naked boobies).

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Mobsters, Monsters and Nazis

by
Dan O’Brien



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Here’s a one-of-a-kind reading experience for the guys that have refused to grow up! Dan O’Brien has teamed up with illustrator Steve Ferchaud to blend hard boiled, dark, detective stories with pulp comics.

Sounds perfect for those cold approaching winter nights, eh, fellas?

Mobsters,
Monsters and Nazis
follows private investigator Derrick Diamond as
he searches for a device that the Nazis need
for their nefarious experiments. He’s aided by Ava Harpy, a lounge singer at
the Yellow Monarch, and as they dive deep into the underbelly of the city,
they uncover a sordid plot that is much larger than they could have
possibly imagined.
So without further ado let’s introduce Dan O’Brien’s latest project: Mobsters, Monsters and Nazis: a collaboration between Dan
O’Brien and Steve Ferchaud, who illustrated Conspirators of the Lost Sock Army and the Loose Change Collection Agency
What Dan is
revealing today are the sketches for some of the interior illustrations (which
will be black and white) of the first issue
of Mobsters,
Monsters and Nazis
. The books will be released as six issues
(eBooks) starting on Halloween.

Influenced by film noir, pulp comics, and
an abiding love of Lovecraft, it is now available for 
pre-order so what are you waiting for?

Dan would love to hear what you think of it so far. Visit him at the Dan O’Brien Project or find him on Twitter.

@AuthorBorg describes her perfect death

Inge. H. Borg
in her
The Boring Author Revisited!

 

Amazon ~ Smashwords ~ Barnes and Noble

What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring
details, a couple of lines is suffice!)

Khamsin, The Devil Wind
of the Nile (Book 1 – Legends of the Winged Scarab), plays out in 3080 BC (yes,
that’s slightly before almost everything). Hence, nobody can call me out on the
facts – if they do, they must be really ancient 
or very learned—in which case they wouldn’t read fiction anyway!

A girl who thinks like me! When can we hang out?

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
Not necessarily. It
sells, doesn’t it. Very frustrating to those of us who cower alone in our
garret to hammer out “enduring literature,” starving while we do it.


If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?

Because I seem to be one
of the few people left in America who observes the difference between “to lay”
(an egg), and “to lie” (in bed). Everyone is always “laying” about; even
mattress sales people.

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

Because I just slipped
you a free copy – and because you might learn something. Oh, and because you’ll
give me a rave, I mean honest, review!

Yeah, right…


Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you? Do you think you write better than them? Is your aim to out-sell them?
James Clavell and James
Mitchener are two of my favorites– they may be regarded as old-fashioned these
days; but then…(you are not rudely going to ask my age now!)
However, somebody just
said that Book 3 (Cataclysm) is “like Dirk Pitt novel, only better.”

Are you old? I mean really, really old like 40 something? (as my son would’ve said!)

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea? 

Wow, any one of that would be lower than writing Erotica.

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?

A darn good European
education, and an even greater patience to Google facts and the imagination to weave
them into fiction.  Why don’t you check
it out for yourself.

Are you saying I don’t use Google for fact-finding? I’m the OO in Google, Missus!

Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

Even in “good Historical
Fiction,” the action has to outweigh the setting no matter how exotic (a love
triangle, some palace intrigue and the occasional murder always tend to liven
things up).


If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?

No. But I do start each
of my “Legends of the Winged Scarab” with a short evocative (and generally unjustly
maligned) Prologue to set the stage. If you can’t hear the winds (Khamsin and
Sirocco) howl about your ears, and taste the sand between your teeth at that
point, I failed you.

What part of the world do you come from?

Born and educated in
Austria, studied languages in London, Paris and Moscow before winding up in the
southern US (that took care of my former beautiful British accent).

What do you think of your government?

The same as I think of
any government. I’d rather not expound on this here. After all, I do purport to
be a lady.

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?

“… fanny means lady
front parts…”
You’re kidding! I didn’t
know that. But then, it took me a year to guess what OMG might mean; I surely
hope I guessed correctly because I have used it a couple of times.

OMG – oh my God? Original Mafia Gangsta?

Why that shitty title?

Are you talking about MY
Khamsin,
The Devil Wind of the Nile
? The one who was just short-listed for the
2014 Indie Historical Fiction Award of the Historical Novel Society to be doled
out in London in September? I am crushed. Just wait ‘til I turn the Curse of
the Mummy on you and suffocate you with a mouthful of desert sand.


Did you run out of ideas?

You mean, as far as a
title is concerned? Not for the first two ‘windy” books; for Book 3, however, I
had to blow up a Supervolcano. Now, I am out of ideas.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).

“I am working on it.”

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?

There you go again,
trying to figure out how old I might be. Let me just say, when I started, my
computer didn’t have a hard drive but I used large floppies for the program itself
as well as the documents (yes, those big black things now on display at the
HP/Compaq Museum).
When I began I had an Olivetti typewriter! The floppies came later for me. I still have them, in fact. Can’t bear to throw them away.

If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?

Try 20 years of writing,
querying, gathering dust in a drawer. Happy now?

Wow, you’re OLD!

If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?

It was! But I slashed 100,000 words
(gosh, the money I could have made turning those lost words into …something).

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

I am not sure if it’s a
stupid ritual or even a bad one. But daily turning on the computer usually
precedes furious keyboard-pounding.


Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?

Call it what you will,
but extroverts who “talk, talk, talk” usually don’t have time (nor the patience
or intellect) to write it all down.

Love that answer!

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information.
4. All of the above.

Number four in small
doses. On the whole, it’s a bloody time-suck with everyone mostly crowing about
themselves.

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?

Not unless they
are “laying on the couch,” ignoring the past participle. “Oh, my,” some might
gush, “I should have went there. Then I could have did this…” That’s
when I become the ear-holding outsider. On the whole though, my friends see me
as exasperatingly normal.

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?
Ah, now your reveal your
true colors!Please, I’d like not to
be found naked; or on top or under something (or someone) scandalous.
Just give me a glass of
wine, dribble the content of a few pills into it, and wait (you can sing or hum
if you want). Luckily, you won’t have to look for my teeth because I still have
all of mine. Just run a brush through my hair and pull my lips into a smile as
I slip deeper into oblivion. You can do that much for me, can’t you? After all
I did for you, telling you those secrets.

“Don’t touch that wine!
Didn’t I just tell you about the pills! Some people never listen.” Oh my, too
late. Sorry kiddo, I guess it wasn’t my time after all.

Give me the a) first, b) middle and c) end line in your trilogy.

Book 1 (Khamsin,
the Devil Wind of The Nile)
a)   
“Rih al Khamsin!” It was an eerie howl, rather than a cry. It
multiplied and it traveled fast.
      b)  Maceheads thudded against
human anvils to mingle with the last wails of                  the
mortally wounded, the blasphemies of the defeated.
      c) “Remember,
the end is but a new beginning for the eternal Ba.”

Book 2 (Sirocco,
Storm over Land and Sea)
a)   
“Trexa! Sorokos!” Barely, the fishermen pull their boats onto
shore when the wind arrives all in a rush, malevolent and laden with Libyan
Desert sand.
b)   
“Mayday! Mayday! Can anyone hear me?”
c)   
At last, the tortured planet exhales. Tomorrow has become today.

Book 3 (After
the Cataclysm)
a)   
At first, it feels as if the world needed to relieve itself of an
irksome burden.
b)   
“Fuck the Germans.” Lorenzo glanced at Naunet. “Pardon me, my
dear, I didn’t mean to offend you.
c)   
Not until then shall we both find eternal peace.

If this is all too exasperatingly
long and literary, and boring, you can always grab a free copy of Edward, Con Extraordinaire. But a
word of caution: That scoundrel has wormed his way into Book 2 and 3 somehow
(where he is no longer quite so charming). Oh, he also has a cameo appearance
as a bad memory in “Shadow Love.” Really, I must do something about that guy!



Whaa-at? Time already? Yawns. Oh, you’re still waffling, er, talking. I meant talking.

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Robert George Pottorff braves the Boring Author Interview to discuss his many books

Boring Author Interview Revisited

Time Bow | Robert George Pottorffs’ Army of Sol
Blizzard: Origin | Blizzard Spread

What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
I speak to your children whom you won’t claim, (But know are yours) and I teach them how to react to the world around you in a cool manner.

I’ve four brats delightful children and however many times I try and tell them it’s time they got jobs and moved out they just giggle and say, Mummy, we’re only little. Sheesh.

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
Erotica fills a need for people who never get any erotica in their own lives, and has an historic place in human history right alongside the caveman’ club.

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?  
Most people today don’t read beyond close captions. So long as it looks right, it will scroll off the screen before they notice any errors.
Oh wow, I don’t think so. Hope not anyway! That’s saying most people are illiterate.

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?  
Unlike some publishers; I do not follow the hundred-year rule, and leave outdated behaviors in my tales, many behaviors are timeless, and I choose which I keep..

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?

I am who I aspire to be. 
Good answer!

Do you think you write better than them?
Story telling has come a long way from scratching out tales with chicken feathers dabbing in a smug pot. It isn’t a matter of ‘be better’, it is a matter of ‘be relevant’. Writers of every era address issues of their surroundings, and so do I.

Is your aim to out-sell them?
Wouldn’t that be nice? Many past writers never received pay more than cents per word, nor sold outside their own areas.

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea?
No. Some ideals are not possessions of those who claim them; they are as timeless as man himself is. 
 
What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?

My qualification is I don’t normally get caught telling lies, and those few times I have; they simply threw up their hand with no way to refute my assertions, and walk away. I love my writings, and have fun creating these stories. Enjoyment is the standard of entertainment.

Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?
Common knowledge isn’t always common; twisted truths woven in the text often mislead the reader to believe larger lies in the stories in spite of knowing from experiences.
You sound like a very deep person. Can you hear me from down there? Helllooooo…

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?
No, however, you would have to read it to arrive to a decision concerning if you like it or not.
Well, doh!

What part of the world do you come from?
The United States of PANAM. 

What do you think of your government?
I didn’t vote for it, but I watch the games every year to cheer for my district. 


If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?
Yes you would as English; is explained in every dictionary on the subject.

But it’s harder to find a dictionary for every country’s jargon. I know it’s refreshing to read something different and be educated but sometimes it’s tiring having to put the book down, find a computer (or dictionary) to read up a word. Or is that me being lazy?

Why that shitty title?
It fits in the story in some way, and there is a place inside to wipe your eyes.

Did you run out of ideas?
No, when that happens I wait for your behavior to show me the answer.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).
Did you enjoy writing the tale?
Yes, if it isn’t fun for the writer, how can it be fun for the reader?

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
Depends on which one you want to know about. Every story is different in the time it takes to create, but generally speaking, statutes of limitations must pass before I release a tale. 

If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?
Stories tell themselves in however long it takes to express the end. 


If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?
No, excessive time isn’t a factor. Prison Weekend Work release is often is the real reason for delays.

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?
I have to like the stories to finish them; as for habits, if you can get away with doing it, they aren’t bad. 
Ooh, I LIKE that! Habits aren’t bad if you can get away with them–yes, perfect.

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?
No, labels like book titles do not completely reflect what is inside, however “loner” is far better than “Drunken @#$#@”. 

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information
4. All of the above.

You should add a fifth selection
5. A place to borrow money to pay my liquor store bill.

I’m beginning to think most writers are raving alcoholics!

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?
No, my stories are about your behaviors, and they are included. 

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

Pizza and beer overdose

See!

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

First line is the title, and middle lines are various; however, they finish with; the end.



Thanks Robert, good luck with the books.

The workings of the male American mind… they have one. Or so Leif Petersen says…

 Boring Author Interview Revisited
by
Leif Petersen
What’s
so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of
lines is suffice!)

My
book explains the workings of the typical American male’s mind.  That
hasn’t been done quite like this before.  It’s sort of a users’ manual
in novel form. The male mind works?!


Is it a short book? With pictures of lots of barren deserts?
Amazon.com

Does
‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people
such as your family and friends?

First, my family and friends are not normal, everyday people, but
yes, it does, because there is too much sex in it.  Literary sex, to be sure, but I do not think
one’s children split those hairs. Also, my wife would be horrified. And my
parents are still alive.

This is what pen names are for! 
What
do you really think about erotica? Is it
the low of the lows for writers?
It’d be easier to answer “when
do you really think about erotica” (rather continuously).  Well-done erotica is high art, but lousy
erotica is disgusting.


Is
there an author who inspires you? Do
you think you write better than them? Is
your aim to out-sell them?
Yes, John Updike. He was a Harvard boy so of course I write better
erotica than he did but no, I will never out-sell him.  He went to Harvard. I didn’t.

 
In
the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review
(or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied
someone else’s idea?
Hard to say – maybe writing my book?

Don’t say that! It sounds unique in its formula.  

How
long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
My book, published in 2013, is about cheating in a marriage.  The original idea was for it to be about not
cheating in a marriage.  That was around
1981, maybe.  Some guys move faster than
others.  But it is neither boringly long,
nor laborious to read.

Wow, sounds like a labour of love.

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.
  1. As far
    as he could tell, he had stopped sleeping with his wife on account of dirty
    dishes in the sink.
  2. “Life is complicated, Dr. Wilson – we just
    keep it sorted out.”

  3. “I love you,” he said.

Thanks Leif for allowing us a look into your mind. Thing is, it’s a bit lonely and sort of unoccupied in there. Just saying.

    Never interview a comedy writer and expect serious answers!

    Boring Author Interviews Revisited
    by 
    Craig Zerf

     
    What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
    It’s shorter than the bible, cheaper than the Mona Lisa and funnier than the plague. 


    What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
    I believe that perversion is simply another art form, albeit stickier than most. Surely no writer can sink lower than copywriting for a multinational?

    Amazon.com | Amazon.UK

    You’re (so far) the second to say that in these interviews, and it’s not something I’ve thought about until now, but I think you’re right.


    If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you
    think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?
    Paid a pro!

    Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and
    you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I
    spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

    Unlike most books available on
    Amazon – mine has been completely re-mastered in full 2D. It contains a cast of
    thousands and no expense has been spared. Must have done something right as it
    was voted Best Read by BBC Radio 4!



    Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you? Do you think you write better than them?
    Is your aim to out-sell them?

    Richard Bach…he wrote Jonathan Livingstone
    Seagull back in the 70’s. I mean…it’s like 10 pages long and it sold over 40
    million copies. Genius – lazy and wealthy. I’d love to outsell him.

    In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own
    review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line,
    copied someone else’s idea?
    Pretended that I was R.R.
    Martin at a recent book fair. Wasn’t a problem until he actually arrived.

    OMG! Bet that was awkward.

    What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre? Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

    I drink whisky well. Very well.
    In fact, some would say that I have a gift. This can be seen in most of my
    writing…do I see that as showing off? No, probably not.



    If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of
    acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of
    a story?

    I put all the acknowledgements at the back
    where they should be.

    What part of the world do you come from? What do you think of your government?
    Originally from South Africa but now I live in England. It is no
    secret that the South African government both blows and sucks mightily.


    If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean,
    fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone
    knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc
    important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?
    My books are set both in a mystical middle-earth type
    environment as well as current day earth.
    I make liberal use of Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms/Malopropisms and even solipsisms (although not so much of that last one).
    Why that shitty title? Did you run out of ideas?
    I built the title first and then I knew that the story would follow.

    Your titles are, er, interesting. Plob? Really? I blame the whiskey.

    If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a
    person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would
    ask? (answer it).

    Q: If cloning were possible, how many versions of me would you invite to
    your perfect dinner party?
    A: Huh?
    Two. Then I’d pour a single whiskey, hand you both two loaded guns and leave the room, locking the door on the way out. You’d be sure to shoot one another to get to the whiskey. Perfect.

    How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)? If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim? If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?

    Writing started on my book many, many years before I was even born. Some
    might consider this over-researched…others may simply view it as an example of
    Divine Providence.

    You began in the womb. Now, that’s talent!

    Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?
    When opening my first bottle of
    the day I always throw away the top. This prevents me from wimping out and
    drinking anything less than necessary.

    Ingenious!

    Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?

    Mark Twain once said, “Be good and you will
    be lonely.”
    I am never good – thus, I am
    never lonely.

    What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
    1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
    2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
    3. Somewhere to find information.
    4. All of the above.

    1, 2 and 3…but never 4.

     
    Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal,
    everyday people such as your family and friends?
    My family do not know that I am a writer. I tell them that
    I play the piano in a ‘House of ill repute.’ As for friends…well, I make up new
    ones every day.
    Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?
    I am happy with any death…as long as it doesn’t involve a
    ferret, a tub of axel grease and four pounds of English cheddar.

    Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

    1. Plob
    2. Horgy stood up in front of the gathering. ‘Good people, I
      give you, Munge and Peasants Vegetable Industries.’
    3. With a
      stomach that felt full of lead and a heart that flopped in his chest like a
      stranded goldfish, Plob lurched nervously on down to meet with Death.

    Craig Zerf, sober? No? Thought not…

    Salo Maa Neco is as interesting as his Grandad’s old Y-fronts and just as smelly (probably)

     It’s another Boring Author Interview! 

    What’s so great about your crap book? 

    Hey,
    Toots, did you just call my book ‘crap’? ‘My name is Cinnamon’ isn’t
    crap. It’s almost literature. It’s the story of two boys growing up in
    Istanbul. There’s a subtle sexual undercurrent for the grubbier of
    readers and there’s romance for the sops. There’s a giggle or two along
    the way, some Istanbul exotic for the fat and lazy armchair travelers,
    and only the hardest arses of readers won’t cry somewhere between the
    first and last page. Even men like to shed a little tear while reading a
    book. Don’t tell anyone I told you that. What’s so great about My name
    is Cinnamon? I write to the reader’s emotions.  

    Amazon.UK | Amazon.com

    Toots? Toots?! Hope I got you back with the y-front title.


    What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of lows for writers?
    The
    low of lows for writers is the Dan-Brown-written-for-dimwits genre.
    Like McBurgers, white bread and SqueezyJet, most of the pap in the ‘Top
    10 Bestsellers’ isn’t worth the money or the physical effort to consume
    it. Erotica on the other hand stokes the reader’s imagination. Surely
    that’s what separates literature from McBooks. (And, by the way, how
    cool is an eBook device for hiding what you’re reading? No cover to give
    away your grubby little secret. You can say you’re reading Peter
    Hopkirk’s The Great Game which is awfully intellectual when really
    you’re really reading Madam Chirac’s 69 Lacey Romps in Paris. Or Harry
    Potter.) Look, I work in an awfully proper school and so I’m expected to
    be awfully proper. But who is? I escape into my eBooks and, if
    anything, they look at me and think, how awfully modern.  

    If
    you didn’t have your book professionally edited, what makes you think
    you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional? 
    I
    may not be a perfect bastard but I am a very pedantic one. No one
    except my mother is pickier than me. Maybe my primary school teacher who
    still writes to correct the occasional error in my blog is pickier.
    I’ve read, re-read, edited, and re-edited my books. Each took over three
    years from conception to birth, baby. Like sex. Slower is better. I’ve
    had no complaints. By the way, it’s an art. What one person thinks is
    perfection, others may not. What tickles one fancy… we’re still
    talking about my books, aren’t we? 

    You’re still in contact with your primary school teacher? Wow. But yes, I agree, perfecting books takes time and the more time the better it will be (get it out of your head and onto a computer should be the fastest part of writing).

    Those writers (usually those blinded to a publisher) who are on a contract to write several books a year can’t be turning out quality books. Anyway, back to the questions…

    Why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well received authors? 
    My
    bookshelves are filled with unheard of authors. Who are those ‘more
    well received’ authors? Do you mean the ones with the correct number of
    syllables in their pseudo-names? They who write to a formula of 95,000
    words and 20 chapters and mentioning sex in the first page? The ones who
    write books for the train or plane ride? The ones who are puppets for
    the publishing companies? I’m glad you asked, Toots. You should read my
    book because it’ll make you think and feel. The Look Inside feature is
    the eReader’s best tool now. Forget reviews. Forget Waterstones’ ‘best
    seller’ list. Read the first 5% of any McBook if you can and then read
    the first 5% of My name is Cinnamon. Try it Toots. Dip your fingers in
    and wiggle them around. I think you’ll like it. I’m sure you’ll want
    more.

    Panting…
    Is there an author who you inspire / perspire to be like? 
    (I think you mean aspire but, as you pointed out, I’m not a professional editor.)  
    Smart arse.

    Do you think you write better than them? Is your aim to out sell them? 

    Yes,
    no, and yes. Joanne Harris writes artfully. Chocolat, Blackberry Wine,
    Gentlemen and Players… These are literary works of art. I write at
    least as well as her and yes, I want to outsell her. I want to sell so
    many books that, like her, I can quit my day job. I liked John Irving’s
    earlier books but after a while the bears, wrestling, New England and
    boyhood sexual encounters with aggressive older women began to feel
    done. 

    In
    the writing world have you ever regretted anything, i.e. written your
    own review or written a bad review for a competitor, argued online,
    copied someone else’s idea.
     
    Yes.
    I’ve regretted not being more ruthless. I’ve not done any of these
    things you mention. I was busy angsting over apostrophes and split
    infinitives and the feel of slicing a person’s throat with a very sharp
    knife. One of my books (Survivors) begins with an Ebola pandemic. I’ve
    not had the ruthlessness to exploit that by diving into chatrooms to
    comment about the current African tragedy and then shamelessly promoting
    ‘Survivors’. The big publishers wouldn’t hesitate. They probably even
    start such outbreaks to sell books they’ve had written by their drones
    and bots.

    That’s the trouble with being a writer, we’re not natural at selling. Time to push ourselves? Those on the Amazon/Goodreads forums won’t agree though.
    What
    qualifications do you have for writing in your genre? Many authors use
    their qualifications to show off their talents and the book becomes
    boring. How have you avoided this? 
    I’m
    a Teacher and a Psychologist (yes, Toots, they’re both proper nouns so
    leave the capitals where they are). Er, OK, (presses the undone button) I study abnormal behaviour. I work
    with sexual deviants and adventurers and criminals. I’m their father and
    counsellor and parole officer. I watch their eyes and I smell them and I
    see the way they scratch themselves. I know what they’re thinking and
    who they’re thinking it about. I know who they want to kill and who they
    want to caress and seduce and tie up with lace and who they want to
    string up with rope.

    Not a primary school teacher, then!
    If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements? Or recommendations?
    No,
    Toots. My books and I are not American. I trust my reader to appreciate
    my first few paragraphs and then I trust my writing to seduce the
    reader. I do understand that the McPublishers think readers have to be
    told what they like. I don’t.


    Is your book set outside England? Would I understand the jargon? 
    I’m
    from neither American nor Britain so I know to be careful with our
    English language. There are no footpaths, piss or fannies in My name is
    Cinnamon
    . It’s set in Istanbul and so there are some Turkish bits but,
    fret not Toots, these are explained when necessary. I think we’re all
    getting a little too precious about the trans-Atlantic divide. Perhaps
    the Americans and Brits ought to understand that the English language is
    now owned and operated by quite a few more people than just them. I
    first really understood this back in high school when I suddenly
    understood the caption: Minnie Mouse was speaking to Mickey Mouse. She
    said, “Kiss me Mick.”

    Nope, it’s sailed over my head.
    I’d like to say that the English language is owed by Britain, only parts of it has been adopted by other countries and moulded into their family (country ideals) making it neither wrong or right but just ‘the way it is’. It’s made the language richer, stranger, frustrating at times but a lot more fun!

    Why that shitty title? Did you run out of ideas?
    The
    story is told by Tarsin. That’s his name. It’s also the Turkish word
    for cinnamon. “It used to be a spice more valuable than gold. Now they
    sprinkle me on cappuccinos. Everyone in Istanbul knows about change.” I
    thought it was a better title than, Fifty Shades of Bad Grammar or And
    to think I saw it all on Mulberry Street. Oh and by the way, my
    imagination won’t ever run out of ideas. 
    If
    you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about  a person and
    you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask,
    and answer it.
     
    Is
    there any question you wouldn’t want me to ask you? I’d hate it if you
    asked if my book is in any way autobiographical. Yes, it is. Throughout
    the whole book I’m there as a little bit of this character and little
    bit of that one. I did that. I said that. I saw that. I ate that. I felt
    that fear. I lusted after that. And I cried just like that.  

    How long did it take to complete your book? If it took over a year, is it boring and laborious to read? 
    It
    took about three years to complete. It took about 3 weeks to write the
    first draft and then it was left to mature. After a few months it reeked
    like an old cheese so I refined it and put it away again. Then it stank
    so I rewrote here and there. That stench matured into an possibly
    acceptable Roquefort-esque odour and after several more rewrites that
    odour became the gentle sweet fragrance of a ripe baby camembert. I
    wouldn’t inflict boring and laborious on anyone, least of all me.  
    Any bad habits or rituals you HAVE to do in order to write? 
    We
    are what we eat. My writing comes from my food and drink: chocolate of
    course, red wine that’s made and bottled just up the hill from where I
    write, and really tasty coffee made in a French press. Pistachios too
    but they have to be in a brown paper bag and eaten outdoors, near the
    ocean, while talking with your childhood friend.

    Sounds heavenly. Want a lodger? 

    Authors
    are often labelled as dreamers and loners. Have you been labelled as
    such? What implications does this have on your writing?
     
    Did
    you just read my name-tag? I’ve travelled the world, mostly on my own,
    thinking and dreaming all the way. This doesn’t have implications for my
    writing. It is my writing. My name is Cinnamon is all about a little
    boy who thinks he cures the world of loneliness and maybe he does it
    with a very sharp knife. Again and again. Or maybe he was just a 
    dreamer and a loner. 
    What do you think of social media?
    It’s
    a lot like sex. It’s can be good. It can be bad. You shouldn’t let it
    take over your life. And don’t do it with family members. Or animals. 

    Describe your perfect death.
    If
    it’s someone I like, the perfect death is to die while asleep. The
    heart stops, the dream ends, you stay warm under the duvet.
    If
    it’s someone I hate, it has to be very slow and agonising. Funny you
    ask because my next book has twenty murders and the killer hates every
    one of his victims. He doesn’t just want to kill them, he needs them to
    suffer. Drowning, eventually, in a dark, rat-infested storm water drain.
    Eaten over several days by eagles. A good sharp knife is hard to beat.
    It’s precise and tactile and simple. Guns jam up and poisoning can go
    badly wrong but it’s very difficult to kill badly with a beautifully
    sharp knife. Don’t you think? They have to know they’re dying. They have
    to know why they’re dying. They have to fear death. It’s no good if
    they’re expecting seventy virgins or eternal peace. They have to believe
    in flames. They have to know its inevitable and most of all they have
    to know who’s holding the beautifully sharp knife.

    Hmm,
    what about severing a limb or extracting an organ, and keeping the
    victim alive to suffer for a while longer by having him eat his own
    flesh and drink his own blood?

    Well, you did ask.
    Er, I meant your death. But I don’t think my stomach could face the answer!
    Give me the first, middle and end line in your book. 
    First:
    This is the story of Esref, an intelligent, handsome, warm-hearted
    little boy who lived in Istanbul and who changed the world.

    Middle:
    ‘And the best stories often have hidden messages that sometimes only
    the story teller knows and everyone else just has to guess.’

    Last: He was and still is ‘canim’, my life.

    Thanks for answering my questions and scaring me witless with your answers! 

    Richard Murray’s Killing the Dead (and me) with this BORING interview

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    Boring Author Interviews Revisited…

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    Amazon.UK | Amazon.com

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    What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
    A serial killer free to do as he pleases in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. No boring morality, just fun… for him at least.

    What do you really think about erotica? 
    I don’t really read it. 
    Bet you’re one of those secret readers who hides an erotica title inside a literary novel.

    Is it the low of the lows for writers? 
    I think it is a genre that sells and sells well. It’s no different than any other genre.
    Told ya!

    If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?
    I had my mother edit it since she at least is university educated and will do it for free.

    Oh-oh, mums are biased. At least, mine is, and loves everything I do.

    Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?
    Well because I slaved over that book darn it! Or perhaps because it is a little bit different from the rest. Serial Killer in an apocalypse, what’s not to love?
    I must admit, it does sound interesting.

    Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?
    No one in particular.

    Do you think you write better than them? 
    Nope I am still learning and happy to improve.

    Is your aim to out-sell them? 
    No.
    You’re too nice. You should wanna out-sell every damn writer out there!

    In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea? 
    No, I have enough of my own ideas to keep me going for years. I don’t see the point of writing my own review and I would avoid reviewing competitors work because… well they are competitors so it wouldn’t be unbiased.

    What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?
    Nope, nothing more than a love or stories.
    Emotions of the heart–maybe the best qualification of all!

    If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story? 
    No. Straight into the story and the book ends the same way… am I supposed to acknowledge someone?
    Your poor mum who has to edit your frigging book for free! Sheesh!

    What part of the world do you come from?  
    England
    Where all the best writers come from…

    Why that shitty title? 
    I felt it was appropriate for a book about zombies.
    Not very original though, is it?

    Did you run out of ideas?

    Nope, still plenty of those. 
    Just, unfortunately, shitty ones.  

    How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)? 
    Somewhere short of three months and a stupendous amount of hours.

    If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim? 

    Not at all. My first work is 40k words long. With my average wpm typing skills and the number of hours I spent working on it, I should have had approx 400k words or more so a great deal of my time was spent trying to make it accurate and as error free as possible. 

    Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write? 
    I have to be fairly distraction free. Usually sat alone with my computer, cup of coffee, maps, reference documents, character sheets open on one half of my monitor and my main doc open on the other. Some classical music or even the three hour recording of thunderstorms playing. Anything other than that and I will struggle.
    Hang on, three-hour recording of thunderstorms? Now, I wonder where people outside of Blighty get the impression that England is full of eccentrics? 

    Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer? 
    Yes I have often been labelled a dreamer and I am a loner by nature. The implication for me is that I struggle with dialogue and character interaction. Perhaps that is reflected in the main character of my work.

    Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends? 

    I have found that it is harder now. I want to talk about writing, about my newest work or reviews. I want to dissect parts of the story and I fear that I am boring the hell out of them.
    I get where you’re coming from. Just as well there are lots of writing forums around where we can take it in turns to bore one another.

    Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

    Standing on the Earth as the sun explodes and engulfs the world… likely in a billion or so years from now. I am happy to wait.



    Thank you Richard. Now go and buy your mother some flowers, tight git.