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The BORING author interview revisited.

We all know how precious authors are about their books, so the words ‘author interview’ will bring loud groans of despair to many, believing the interview will long-winded and self-gratifying. So how about an author interview with a difference?

The derogatory questions (below) are for you to copy ‘n’ paste (don’t feel you have to do all. Just pick the ones you want to answer). Then, I will post the ‘interview’ back here.

Together with your answers, send a JPEG cover of the book you’ve chosen to answer the questions about, plus purchase links.

Get creative! Be rude! Be funny, naughty…  

Questions highlighted should NOT be split as they run on to the next.

Here goes…
What’s so great about your crap book? (Don’t want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)

What do you really think about erotica?
Is it the low of the lows for writers?

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?

Yawn, so basically you’re the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?
Do you think you write better than them?
Is your aim to out-sell them?

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor’s novel), argued on-line, copied someone else’s idea?

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?
Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?

What part of the world do you come from?
What do you think of your government?

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet–everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It’s all about identity, isn’t it?

Why that shitty title?
Did you run out of ideas?

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?
If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. 

Have you been labelled as such? 
And what implications do you think that has on a writer?

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information.
4. All of the above.

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

That’s wasn’t too hard, was it? Right send them back them with your book cover and purchase links and I’ll post them here for all to see (will be sent automatically to Goodreads, Facebook and Twitter). Your book will also be placed on Pinterest.

Email: wiselouise(AT)gmail.com or Email

Ends 18th August
where completed interviews will be placed here.