Do you like to play video games? Have you ever played Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Soul Calibur, or Super Smash Brothers?
If you’re a writer who has attempted to land a literary agent, then you have to some degree. Securing a literary agent is one part fight and one part game, and there are many rounds to this battle.
I’ve made it through the first match alive but slightly worse for the wear. Rather than explain my literary agent submission experience in lengthy, dramatic prose, I thought it would be more fun to turn it into a video game script.
Welcome to Book Basher Super Fiiiight Time—Hiyaah!
Deep in the snowy wasteland of the mid-January Midwest, our hero boldly prepares for battle. With nothing more than a six-time-revised manuscript and a dash of hope, she sets forth on her journey toward publication.
Meanwhile in the magical urban forest called
“New York,” an army of battle-weary agents also prepare for their day’s
journeys. They have emerged victorious many times before and think nothing of
Within the space of the cyber realm, at last
they shall meet.
Our hero goes forth, query in hand, with
minimal armor to protect her feelings. Although she has honed her skills for
more than one year, nothing could have prepared her for this first battle.
Emlyn vs. The Literary
OUR HERO: “I’m calling on my strength.” She
circles her arms and performs a sun salute.
AGENT #1: “He, he. I will make you
cry!” She looks at our hero from over her shoulder, sticks out her tongue,
OUR HERO inches forward, hesitantly, toward
AGENT #1 performs a swift maneuver, pulling a
red rejection stamp out of her pocket and bringing it to rest on our hero’s manuscript—KO—“You die too easily, hmmpf!”
|Out in MAY!
Emlyn vs. The Literary
OUR HERO: “If I believe in myself, I shall
AGENT #2: “Don’t waste my time,” he growls
through his robotic sheath.
OUR HERO stands still staring at her massive
opponent. She can not forget the outcome of her previous match. She is
immobilized from this fear of failing again. She is almost too afraid to…
AGENT #2 sees his opponent’s hesitation. He
jumps high into the air and lands on our hero using a three-move combo—not for
us, misspell querier’s name, forget to mention ms title—BAAAAM!—KO—“Thank you
for giving me the opportunity to consider your work, weakling.” He laughs quite
Emlyn vs. The Literary
OUR HERO: “If I persevere, success will
surely be obtained.”
AGENT #3: “This is an automated reply—beep—if
you do not hear from us with 8 weeks’ time, then we have determined your work
is not a right fit for us—beep!”
OUR HERO: sighs, shrugs shoulders, and sits
to wait for her opponent’s arrival. Weeks pass by, months—no word from Agent
#3. Our hero stands up and jumps off the edge of the screen, effectively
eliminating herself from this battle—KO!
Emlyn vs. The Literary
OUR HERO has hurt herself in the fall. She
has spent weeks recuperating under the guidance of her writing sensei. Now, she
is finally ready to approach battle again. She has lost almost all of her
optimistic fervor. She now expects to lose but that doesn’t mean she won’t
continue to train hard and try her best in battles.
AGENT #4 emerges from the shadows and glares
at our hero hostilely. “Let’s make this quick.”
OUR HERO stares back. “I’m not afraid of
you,” she says. And she’s not. They can’t scare her anymore. She’s suffered
many defeats, what harm will one more do? Even with the slightest chance of
securing victory, it’s worth fighting, it’s worth suffering another humiliating
and painful defeat.
AGENT #4 removes a stack of papers from her
satchel and prepares to fling them at her opponent, Chinese star style.
OUR HERO sees the approaching onslaught and
jumps high into the air, landing at the agent’s back. She brings out her
AGENT #4 attempts to do a low-back kick but
misses our hero.
OUR HERO makes her attack. “I will not be
ignored. My name is Emlyn Chand and THE IRON PILLAR is an 85,000-word work of
multicultural women’s fiction…”
AGENT #4’s eyes glaze over. She has been
caught in our hero’s trap. Now she has no choice but to listen. She can attack
again once our hero’s attempts at securing victory have finished.
OUR HERO: “The most important of which is
love for oneself. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to
hearing from you.” Having used the only move in her repertoire, our hero raises
her eyes above her query letter and waits.
AGENT #4 is still in a trance-like state. The
well-written query letter has calmed her. She puzzles over her thoughts for a
moment, and then—“Yes, I am interested. I would like to request a partial
OUR HERO jumps high into the air, doing an
elaborate spin kick. She cannot believe what just happened. She won, she won,
she won! No KO this time. She lands on feet as light as the air.
AGENT #4: “This, of course, is only the first
step. If I like your partial, I’ll request a full, if I like your full, I will
consider offering representation.” She snaps her fingers and vanishes back into
the tangle of the urban forest.
OUR HERO is left all alone in the cyber
realm. She hadn’t realized that she would have to face this same agent again.
The agent will be back, no doubt, stronger, more vicious. The only thing to do
now is to wait and prepare herself mentally for the next battle. Our hero sits
down cross-legged and begins to count the blades of grass that cushion her
bottom. It shouldn’t be too long now…
THE END (FOR NOW)
Update: Emlyn actually did get a literary agent four
months after she wrote this post! He’s currently shipping around the
aforementioned manuscript. Meanwhile, Emlyn decided counting blades of grass
wasn’t a productive use of her time and chose to self-publish her second novel,
Farsighted, the first in a YA
Alex Kosmitoras’s life has never been easy. The only other student who will talk to him is the school bully, his parents are dead-broke and insanely overprotective, and to complicate matters even more, he’s blind. Just when he thinks he’ll never have a shot at a normal life, a new girl from India moves into town. Simmi is smart, nice, and actually wants to be friends with Alex. Plus she smells like an Almond Joy bar. Yes, sophomore year might not be so bad after all.
Unfortunately, Alex is in store for another new arrival—an
unexpected and often embarrassing ability to “see” the future. Try as he may,
Alex is unable to ignore his visions, especially when they begin to suggest
that Simmi is in danger. With the help of the mysterious psychic next door and
new friends who come bearing gifts of their own, Alex must embark on a journey
to change his future. Book Teaser: Alex Kosmitoras may be blind, but he can still
“see” things others can’t. When his unwanted visions of the future
begin to suggest that the girl he likes could be in danger, he has no choice
but to take on destiny and demand it reconsider.
Emlyn Chand has always loved to hear and tell stories, having
emerged from the womb with a fountain pen grasped firmly in her left hand (true
story). Farsighted is her
very first novel. When she’s not writing, she runs a large book club in Ann
Arbor and is the president of author PR firm, Novel Publicity. Emlyn loves to
connect with readers and is available throughout the social media interweb.
Visit www.emlynchand.com for
more info. Don’t forget to say “hi” to her sun conure Ducky!